If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
