Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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