the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
