I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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