haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
