My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
