He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
