some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
