My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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