I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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