I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
