All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
did i just pee glitter
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
