All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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