took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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