Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Jerry, you need to find god
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
