i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
