I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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