She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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