found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My nipple is on Facebook.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
