You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
