Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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