it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish my penis had a tongue
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
