i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
