woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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