what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
