i jhust puked up my retainher.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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