brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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