he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
