Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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