there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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