My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
