If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
