I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
