i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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