i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
