her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
