I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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