I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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