No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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