I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
