I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
