Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im part way to drunk.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
