i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
