The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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