He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
