You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
