I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
