dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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