Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
