So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
