We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
