The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
